Who am I?

I dont know how it happened but I know when it happened...I went from this little quiet kid to some out of control monster who thought he was better than everyone...In my public school I wasnt much of a popular guy.  Didnt play many sports except at lunch..I was known as a decent looking guy I guess..Didnt talk to many girls much, but then I transferred to NCCS and the transformation began.  I got into basketball, got under some great coaches...Worked my butt off and I guess become a pretty good player not trying to brag honestly.  But then I got a little confidence in myself and like they said my head blew up.  By my senior year I had done so many things I regret now it was crazy.  I was cocky...I was over confident..I thought I had it all under control when in all reality I didnt have anything under control..I couldnt even control myself.  I lost so many friends.  Some people didnt even want to be my friend just because I was so cocky and stupid.  Its like when you think back everything seems so clear.  By my senior year I had been through so many unneccasary obstacles that I was worn out.  I had let down the one person who was always there for me so many times they got tired of me.  I had so much confidence in myself that I wasnt worried about anything but myself.  I was one of the people who when I see it in any other person it makes me so mad...I had become my worst enemy...I ruined everything for myself..I didnt need any help.  I made my own problems...Thought I solved em but really just ran from em.  I destroyed all my friendships single handedly.  I threw all my relationships away all on my own.  Every good thing I had going I destroyed and I have no one to blame but myself. All through highschool I found people to blame, but in all reality I could have prevented it all...I gave away the STATE TITLE my senior year because I was so over confident that I would pass pre-calc that I didnt even study for the test...I'm sorry fellas..I cant blame it on Mr. Cook anymore..that one was my fault..I had straight A's through 8th grade then I hit highschool and thought I had other things going for me and got my priorities all mixed up.  And now look at me....The truth hurts...but something that I have finally realized is its easier to just tell the truth and get it over with than to lie and get caught up in it later.. I'm sorry for the person I had became..And I am sorry to everyone who had to witness it.  I dont have many of my old friends around anymore and I miss it..But to those that stuck around I love ya and to those that wonder if its safe to come back around..I promise it is

Click on that link, then click the little bity play button to listen and then tell me what you think about it..I know it sucks but I'm just trying to figure out this xanga audio stuff because I'm bored...Its actually part of a song I was writting for someone, but anyway just let me know.

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So much has happened since the last time we talked...I've lost someone who I've called my grandpa my whole life but was really my uncle that took in my mom when she moved to stl, and I lost my cousin in the same day.  My cousin had been shot 4 times previously and was just surviving off of a bag in his chest, they said he would live, but for the same reason I hate doctors now...they were wrong.  and my uncle's heart just gave out.  Life has been crazy.  I think I might be moving out of my house sometime in November.  I dont really have much to say, just alot on my mind.  I do have a problem though...They say the first step is admitting that you have a problem.  So maybe after I get through step one I can get through this.  I have an addiction thats really not doing me any good and I need to kick it, but its hard.  Its really not something I like doing, but like I said its become an addiction.....and its killin me.  Well I'm gonna go ahead and finish getting ready for class so I guess....Until next time.

Man I miss her..

I remember day one like it was yesterday

I walked by this girl she didn’t even look my way

For all she knew I was just some other girls cousin

She wasn’t feeling me at first this girl wasn’t budgin

But as time went on the girl  caught my eye

It was hard to kick cuz neither one could  drive

So we just sat up on the phone talking bout nothing

Next thang I know me and shorty fell in deep love

Skippin school early and then coming home late

Coulda swore this girl had to be my soul mate

If we went out spent all my money on the date

Then came home and put food on shorty dinner plate

The smile on her face always made my day better

Sometimes just had to sit back and write the girl a letter

Tell her I love her even though I’m being stupid

And the end of the day its always me and you

I miss the times we had even though they was tough

All the time spent together..never seemed like enough

Even now when I see her cant help but smile

I really just wanna talk ..aint done it in awhile

I always pictured me and you walking down that aisle

And yeah that’s crazy for me cuz that just aint my style

But to you I was marcus and that’s all you knew

And you know you had my heart and I knew I had you

I miss her...all I really wanna do is talk..its been awhile...